A little bit settled: Vashon Island
We set out for America with an intention to settle. As with many preconceived goals the aim was a neatly wrapped up rational concept, not yet connected to psyche. We decided we would buy a house and settle down. Of course this was too one sided given our history, but it allowed for an adventure in settling. We started in Arcata, peeked at Portland and its surroundings and then headed up to the coastline near Sequim in Washington State. In Arcata we looked at houses with vehemence. At that point I believed that homeschooling would no longer be an option for me and was aiming at places with schools I liked. Arcata satisfied that need but by the time we had left I started thinking homeschooling may still be for us. As of now I am wholeheartedly continuing it.
Getting a north star in place takes some hunting. You have to smell it out. Up to a point rational ideas are very useful. Then it is the hand of fate, which are both the unconscious forces that sway us and the gut feel that cannot be defined. Arcata met most rational demands we placed on it. But it didn’t feel right, the house never emerged and our time was up staying there. It remains some of the most beautiful natural territory I have seen.
Portland ended up being about buying a car and seeing a friend. The taste of it was sweet, the funky vibe and hipster culture appealing, but my gut said no. Something about the land wasn’t right for me, the culture felt like it was flattening and staying as is, work wasn’t simmering for my man there. So up the edge of the US we drove, to the areas that look into Canada.
Our way of life is like an island in the norms of society, so not surprisingly we ended up on islands. Marrowstone Island has a bridge onto it so its easier to access, but holds all the charm of a little bit of land tucked away, an enclave of community all its own. We searched and searched for homes whilst in Marrowstone. I learned to read Zillow pictures with skepticism, to walk through a space and notice the window glaze and state of the foundation. We almost bought two houses and don’t regret not doing it. Marrowstone haunts us in a good way, much like Mendocino in California. In both places we felt deeply happy, each showing the pebbles of what our home wants to be like. In Marrowstone it came done to the land and remains that. The quiet, stars, space around us; the air and amount of sun that covered the slope. It is the land that will determine our spot. But fate turned her wheel too and the cabin got freezing, we had to move and no house had been bought.
After the sweetest time on Marrowstone Island for two months, in a little cabin, we headed to Vashon Island into an empty house. Not only was the house empty but we also rented it with a lease. We have lived on short stays, mostly in airbnb, for maximum a month on average. So this was certainly a change and one that aimed for the deeper mark of our preconceived goal. After living in other peoples stuff for six years, for me seven years, we emptied our storage unit and set up house.
Our storage Unit had been sitting for five years on the outskirts of San Francisco. My man flew down and drove our stuff up in the biggest car he could rent. He mailed a few parcels that could not fit and the rest we donated. As is his style he did this in two days. And then we moved in. The house had beautiful wooden floors and a big room in the front where the fire place sat. Trees surrounded and submerged it. It was old, dark and needed a lot of cleaning. But we made it ours and settled into our forest cave. As we emptied our stuff, sifted, kept and threw away, I became aware of the value in an object. The feeling nested into matter came alive as I packed out my collected items, and we ate on them, slept in them, stored our objects in them. The house remained mostly empty, but the things we had were all carefully chosen, uncluttered and ours.
There is something to be said for a personal object invested with meaning. I loathe clutter and like being light. But I now, even more, appreciate the love for an object, how it comes alive in that feeling and holds more than the thing for us. Our things hold memory and desire and story and power. By the time we packed up our stuff we did so carefully, lovingly, letting go of anything that didn’t truly work and really holding the stuff that did.
Vashon Island is surrounded by city, a rural enclave that maintains a population of around 10,000 people. It’s got tight restrictions on building which helps it remain a place with lots of land, horses and not many new builds. There are two grocery stores aiming for two economic sectors of the population. And the population is varied, with hippy types, wealthy Seatlites, people making a go for homesteading, and family homes that held people and brought children back. In four months there I never went to Seattle. This is weird and seems to show my lack of interest in city, or perhaps Seattle city. I did go off the island for groceries and salon visits. For that I headed down to Tacoma, an easier and less used ferry ride and humble town. It does pay to shop off island for groceries and petrol. Island living proved expensive in other unforeseen ways, like getting wood delivered being a real mission, or gas topped up last minute a huge expense. We once sat for three days in the house, surrounded by snow, freezing with no hot water, waiting for such a delivery. We also saw the biggest snowfall Vashon has got in at least a decade, with the entire town getting shut down for over a week. No swim lessons or ballet class, and on a few days no driving.
But in truth Vashon wasn’t where we were centered. Our focus was on just being in the house, for a long time, and stabalising. It felt so good. I unpacked all my clothes, I set up a lovely home school and play space, I baked and perfected a pear tart, I collected a few things. We all went inward, wintry weather ushering us into a state of incubation. When we peeked out it was to the library, beach walks or the classes I had set up for the children.
By the time we landed on Vashon I had decided on home school. This was after three visits to private schools and much research. I realized I could do it, that what I was doing was not below the mark, maybe even just great. I already wrote a blog about that but it is pertinent here because it redefines how we map where we search next for a home. And we are going to go.
It was at first with pain that this reckoning came, because staying put felt so good. But as we packed, set up a new storage unit and prepared to go overseas, the sense of failure at not having bought the house, still not having a home, started to ebb away. In its place came a deeper clarity about the north star.
So we still want to buy a home, and when that right timing, the Kairos moment comes, it will happen. We are both ready. We are considering the upper East Coast or somewhere around Marrowstone. And we have an idea forming about a home in Turkey too, which starting to constellate. The land is most important, the proximity to nature. The house must be cosy and light. Its better if we can buy our food from the farm in which its grown and have a relationship with a local butcher. But access to city shops and the airport is necessary.
More essentially we start the next journey with a stability in our bellies. I feel something has settled in me. I am still a nomad, but I have an anchor now inside that is growing and one day will dig roots. I realized I am not afraid of getting stuck, a fear I thought I had and was determined by. I am too intuitive for that, even if placed in the tightest spot I will seek out the little bit of possibility in the edge of my mind. As I learn to traverse the psyche, inch by inch, my nomadic spirit gets fed internally, my body happier to nest. Matter and I are ready to make a home together now.
In the meantime we go to Istanbul and Cape Town for family love, and Switzerland for my studies. Thats the rough plan with sketches happening on the side. When we come back our stuff will be waiting just like before, but our relationship to it and the home we will create is much changed.
