Preter-nomadism: being nomadic and beyond

I fear being stuck. I get anxious about seeing the same road, the same grocery store and playground after three months. Beyond fear I just don't like staying put much. As a child we lived in many houses, and when we did stay somewhere for years, the place was constantly under renovation. When I moved out of home at eighteen I moved into a way of being unconsciously: I moved every six months or less. And when I did stay put for three years, it was with my ex husband on a property that we renovated ourselves. A renovation that mirrored the relationship - hopeful but destructive. After my divorce I went straight back into my normal ways. It was not until meeting my current partner that I shifted into consciously being a nomad. Then the label nomadism became something I identified with. Before that I just moved around a lot or the place I stayed in moved around in shape.

Since finding it, I have become quite attached to this label of nomadism. If nomadism is about being fluid in space, then I lost that in my psyche. I couldn't imagine staying somewhere for ever, let alone for a long while. It feels like I just couldn't be me without the label of nomad. My identity got stuck. I started to really ponder what this label means.

Being a nomad means you have no permanent abode. That means you travel from place to place. And you do so because that place offers a green pasture - it's nourishing in some way. That's the difference between traveling and being nomadic. People travel to a place for a reason, but it's not to live there, they live somewhere at home most of the time.  This year we moved around more than I ever have with children and my man. It's October and so far we lived in Istanbul, Cape Town, Malta, Dubrovnik, Berlin, Greek islands, Norway, Amsterdam, Denmen Island, Vancouver city, and San Francisco. The amount of movement this year with two babies under the age of four made me want to stop, for a while. Suddenly being a nomad seemed to be less than appealing.

This all came to a peak in my psyche in September. My man has been saying for a while that he wants a home, he wants to stop. Then he screamed it at me loud enough that I knew he was serious about getting a home. This all happened in the midst of two very bad Airbnb rentals in Vancouver. The stress and exhaustion toppled me. Usefully so. It made me get in touch with the part of me that didn't want to move around all the time.

Turns out that this part of me, the not nomad, wants a home. With walls that stay put and a garden to plant trees. Deep in nature, but not too far from an airport. A home that houses some special things, but not much stuff. A home I can rely on to return to and come from, that my children can place roots into literally.

Also turns out that the nomad in me remains strong. After being in Fairfax for two months, in a large house that is typical of a home owned for decades, I felt very excited for the next place. I spent much of that time booking and planning our next six months. And my man decided to temporarily hold off on buying a home. We spoke deeply on home and got clearer about the types of home we truly wanted.

What has changed is how I planned the trip. It's all about finding pastures that nourish and staying there for a while. Out of the four places we shall visit, three we have been to before, and I am staying in each for minimum three weeks and up to two months.

I have yet to find the home base I dream of. And I am not in a rush. Knowing that I want it frees me to let the label of nomad be a little more fluid. Pastoral nomadicism in the traditional sense is about moving, and returning. You go to and return to places that nourish you. And you stay as long as you feel nourished. The time period is less important. And the fluidity is dependent on a psychological state, not a calendar. Part of this may mean staying put in a place for a while because it is useful. And that no longer scares me.

As Ruya Lilly said to me yesterday: home is very important Mommy.

(Thank you to Daniel Bernberg for inspiring this post)