Belgrade: Abort

Sometimes we end up in places that we want to get out of fast. Sometimes we end up in an apartment or house that we cannot wait to leave. Both happened in our recent visit to Belgrade. And thankfully we aborted fast. The ability to abort, to end something already begun or say no to something already got, is an act I learned from my man.On our second date I ordered a martini. It was horrible and unbalanced. We both agreed but I continued to sip mine. He pushed them away and said no let's order something else. To my money deprived being - of at least the last five years - and a psychology of 'if you got it you must use it', I struggled to say yes to him. But he insisted and we drank some beautiful wine instead. What followed was a great love affair and lessons in being more discerning about what I take into my life.

I think it comes down to discernment. I always thought the ability to be discerning happened before you actually bought or did or got something. But now I know it often happens after the fact. And it takes guts to realize this is not working and more guts to put it aside and cut your losses. There is no adventure without some losses. It also takes committed action. I have this saying with my children - let's do it guys. Ruya says it with gusto. You have to do it, make the decision and follow through. Easier to do it when consuming but harder to do it when pruning.

We needed to do some non shengen zone time. I did some research and decided on Belgrade and Dubrovnik. We landed in Belgrade on a sunny day. My first reaction to the city was a falling stomach sensation. It looked a bit gritty and not in the way I can resonate with. But that sensation might have been slightly abated had we not checked into a really shitty apartment. I knew instantly it was not going to work. And it was supposed to be luxury. We rented it through A

Airbnb which offers some safety in terms of reviews, but I find that to be less and less the case. Really honest reviews are hard to come by. This five star place had the worst bed linen I have ever encountered - Aziz could not lay his head on it - blocked toilet, minimal crockery, dusty everything, shifty floors and so on. We both, within minutes, decided to abort. And the best decisions are always fast. But I wanted to offer myself a bit of thinking time. So we headed out into the city. We did discover that Belgrade has amazing produce and green markets, cheese is good, dark amazing bread, and great indoor playgrounds. People are kind, honest, incredibly direct and dry. What you see is what you get. And I did relish being exposed to a place which has suffered much, survived, and still pulsates with life. It is also a place that deeply honors children and a parent with a child. But none of that could change my gut decision. Belgrade is nice to visit but I can't live there.

Deciding to abort is hard. We usually use this term for terminating a pregnancy. That is one of the hardest decisions a woman can ever make. I made it twice. It was painful, the ache lingers, it was right for me. But the way I am using the term is less charged, though sometimes no less difficult. It cuts into our cultural beliefs of eat everything on your plate. It challenges notions of money and stuff and decisions being fixed. Money is potential resources. And resources change depending on the moment. A plate can be too full or nutrient dead. And nothing is fixed.

We lost $800 from our travel budget. We rebooked flights, rental cars and found a place. And we shifted within four days. We enjoyed the days we had there. And we enjoyed leaving. 

Now we are in Dubrovnik early. It's incredibly beautiful. Still wintry but deliciously devoid of tourists.

I search for the gem, in place and space. But it's the rust, the grit around the gem that really makes it. Belgrade wasn't for me but it gave me the chance to be discerning, and celebrate the places that I want to grow in more.