Staying Stable when on the Move: Roots and Wings

Being on the move means Ruya experiences a lot of change. The usual anchors of home and stuff and places don’t exist. We do return to places but at different times and every year something shifts in our plans. Ruya knows how to say home. And home for her is not a static thing. It is the place we go after a day out to eat and sleep.
The roots we are growing have to tolerate dislocation and relocation.

So how then do I give my baby roots? Into what does she anchor? What defines her stability and security?

The root of attachment:

The most essential anchor Ruya has is me. I am her rock. And until she develops the internal sense of me living inside of her, the me outside of her is fully present. Growing attachment is a delicate business. The starter is given by evolution. The first instinct after birth is to attach and orient, and every baby, cub and duckling is going to look for mama. If mama is not there the next best thing becomes the compass point.
If the attachment we grow is secure, then nature can do its work easily. And attachment grows slowly. Each stage builds a deeper bond. From the sensation of physical closeness to the seeing that we are the same - we both have belly buttons. And then knowing that we belong together, she has a family and tribe, to the knowing that she matters to me and that significance endures. Until the root grows inside of her and Ruya feels our intimacy even when I am not there. At that point the root of attachment becomes an imaginal thread that supports her to fly as far as she wants to go.
Nurturing this root means cultivating Ruya’s connection to me. Current culture tends to be in a rush to make the child independent. But that is just dependence transferred. Attachment is at the core of all relationship and we cannot survive without relating. Making sure Ruya can depend on me means always putting the focus on connection first. Everything else comes after that. Once we connect I can secure her attention and that keeps her safe. She is more likely to listen to me. It also means that when Ruya naturally desires to go counter to my will we have a secure base to come back to. Behind her wall of no’s she can learn what she likes and instead of a battle of wills, we come back to the relationship we have. That relationship is the foundation of what it means to be secure. She can be vulnerable and so can I, we can disagree or be apart, but the link is indestructible.
If you want to move around a lot with children, you have to make sure your relationship with them is solid.

The root of body:

I am very physical with Ruya. I breastfeed, cuddle, rough and tumble, bath with her and she rides in my carrier. Nakedness is a normal thing in our home space. She knows her body and mine. No matter what happens or where we go, our bodies come along. So I teach her that like the snail, we carry home with us. I think of the body as the ultimate temple. And I want Ruya to feel that too. That her body is something she can nurture and trust in, the place that contains her until death happens. When we are out and about she rides close to my chest, and I hold her close whenever she may want that security. On the plane, in the taxi, at a new place, she can always come to the stability of my flesh until she decides she is ready to explore.
The root of the body relies on health. Nurturing this root is a daily process of making sure we eat right. We invest into good food, seek out organic markets and make finding what our bodies need a priority and an adventure. We share meals and take time to eat. Every morning I do yoga and roll out Ruya’s mat. Sometimes she plays along and takes a deep stretch.
The magic of taking care of the body is Ruya gets to be close to me at the same time. The touch brings connection and security. The consistency of always being able to find her belly button means no matter where she is, there it is.

The root of routine:

The structure of the day can transpose into any place. The place of course influences it. But the core aspects of the structure are something Ruya can lean into every day. She knows that when we wake we cuddle, and make tea, throw the cards. Then we make breakfast and then we get dressed. Sometimes we wake to muslim prayers and sometimes to birds or cars. But we always wake at about the same time and I am near her. If the space is right we do school time. And later she naps, and that happens in a bed or in my carrier, or lying in my arms on a plane. But it always happens at about the same time for her given age. And after that we have lunch tougher and then its open time for emergent play. I usually get out and explore parks, shops, forests and whatever else our environment has to offer. We always do some more school time. We always read. As the say sets we eat, then bath and cuddle, and then its sleepy time.
The routine is shared. I eat with Ruya, bath with her and we do school together. She helps me make meals, unpack a dishwasher if we have one, load the washing machine and puts my tea bag into my cup. The routine gives the day shape and whilst this shape can morph as needed it never loses its general form. It also lets us work together so Ruya feels part of the everyday action.
This root relies on discipline. Not forced but cultivated over time. I work hard to keep the structure in place. And moving around brings new angles into the routine we have.
The challenge of moving around a lot and crossing time zones is keeping the structure steady and fluid. To do that you have to maintain the shape of what you do and let the idea of clock time go. Let the time guide you but not dictate. And don’t be put off by strange environments that don’t seem hospitable to what you do. The fun is in seeing how you can do the same thing a little differently.