The Questions I get asked about being Nomadic
The life we lead is not the norm. There are more people doing it. Not many with children though. And though it seems natural to me, when I am out and about - usually on a playground - conversations happen with strangers, and I get asked a lot of questions.
One of the top questions is how do you do it? Meaning do you have a lot of money, but people are shy about getting real about personal economics. My answer always starts by stating that we do not own a house right now. That means we use the average house budget of a middle income person in the US, but we put it towards living in different places. Our biggest expense every year is flight tickets. Our home rental is the same as most middle income people, except the place changes country and we don't carry a mortgage right now. Sometimes our rent is higher and sometimes lower. And when we visit Cape Town or Istanbul we live rent free as we stay in our parent's homes. Those visits average about two months of the year. Last month we were in Dubrovnik and the rental rate off season was very reasonable. That gain is now being used to afford an apartment in Berlin. Our stay in Berlin will be more expensive. When we hit nature areas we save in money and gain in non material ways. So part of doing this is learning to fluctuate from more expensive to less expensive areas. You don't need a lot of money to live this lifestyle. You do need a middle income baseline of around $5000, with an average of $2000 for rent (this fluctuates). Of course you can do it cheaper but we choose to get two bedroom places which is always more expensive. You save money by not buying loads of stuff, not running a car and staying in nature areas or cheaper cities. You spend money on flight tickets, good gear, and for us the best quality food we can find. You also have to factor in losses. Sometimes a place sucks and you need to get out fast. But that is rare. Ultimately it is not about quantity of money but choice. We use our money to be nomadic right now. Making that choice invests in our experience now.
The next top question is how do you work? More and more work is becoming geo free. Key to allowing this is Internet, so you need a wifi connection wherever you stay. Having said that we have stayed in places that are off the grid and my partner has had to ride into town to do work. But we avoid that for long term stays. Sometimes the wifi is really shitty and it can cause havoc with skype calls. Usually it's good enough. Currently my work is totally geo free but I am not bringing in much money. I work full time taking care of children and fit in sessions when I can. My man is the one making our money and he goes back and forth between places. That means I spend about ten days a month alone, sometimes more, sometimes less. Whilst it's intense being totally alone with children, with no support structure - think about being the only thing your kids have got in a totally foreign place - it is also magically intimate and I get very close to my babies. And I like the shift into having support when my man comes home. He finds its best to work outside of home, in cafes for instance. When it doesn't suit him I try to get out of the house. It means his work is often at night with time zone changes, and he travels a lot. To do this you have to be flexible with work times, able to work in intense sprints and willing to shift to countries that are useful for work purposes.
A related question but one that deserves its own space on the page is stuff. As in how do you live (especially with kids) without lots of stuff? The answer is you learn to live with less. And I learn that all the time. I like everyone else gets pulled into material yearning. Berlin is a serious challenge for me because they produce amazing quality stuff - silk/wool clothing for children, gorgeous natural material toys, high quality shoes etc. Unlike a lot of people I don't like being heavy. I like having only a few things, and that means I need them to be good. We are rich enough to buy high quality and disciplined enough to know what enough is. Knowing how much is enough is much easier when you have two suitcases. You can only fit in so much. That constraint is delicious to me. Beyond my suitcase space we have a small, and I mean really small storage unit in SF. The stuff in there has lain dormant for three years now. The only reason I hold onto it is because a bit of it is sentimental family stuff and a lot of it might be useful should we get a base in the US one day. I own a car that I never drive which someone else is storing for me. I will probably sell it soon. I prefer the idea of car sharing. We have part of a house in Istanbul - my partners family home, which he stays in when he works there. In there are two drawers of things that I rotate. He brings me what I need when he goes there for work, like toys and essential oils. I do like to buy new stuff but when I do something old goes. I very seldom want to hold onto something as a memory thing and that goes into storage. Like the cloth book Ruya and Aziz both used, ate and read as babies. I love being light. It makes me develop empathy with what I have. It shows me that having is enough. And challenges me to come back to nature and remember what is really important.
A following and commonly asked question is: isn't it difficult with kids? Since we have been talking about stuff I would say the one difficulty is that kids do need toys, and good toys are often heavy and bulky. My babies have very little in the way of toys but I make a large space in their suitcase for their play stuff. I only carry what is appropriate for their ages. I chuck out what isn't and not worth keeping. I rotate when I can the stuff that is high quality. I spend time in toy shops looking at the material they have with an eye to seeing if I can make something that offers the same learning at home. This kind of viewing means a lot of what is in a toy shop ends up being extraneous. Right now Ruya has beads, puzzles, dolls, wooden dominos, cars, lots of art materials, books, cards, a stamp set, a set of doll house furniture, nesting cups and Lego. Aziz has a few baby toys but mostly gets into her stuff.
I take care of my children full time. And I focus on spending every moment when they are awake engaging in life with them. So doing this means no nannies or kindergarten. No time off for mama and that can be difficult sometimes.
Home changes all the time and so do people. Ruya seems to be doing just fine with that. She talks about houses we have been in and friends she made. Some friends she sees again. She learns new spaces rapidly and I work to make each place a home for us. With all the environmental change doing this means you have to keep consistent in routine. No matter where we are the routine stays the same. I unpack fast and make sure her toys are laid out, she has her normal fork and spoon, naps remain the same. I sleep next to my babies which just seems natural being nomadic and makes them feel safe. I think when people travel they overly flex the normal routine. Consistency is more stabilizing than bricks and mortar. Skype makes doing this feel much better. We skype grandparents every week and now my daughter sits and has long conversations telling her grandmother all the news, in fine and sometimes comic detail.
I think raising children is hard. Especially if you are really involved. Moving around at the same time makes you get closer to your children, you have to get really close. It also slows me down. We stay longer in one place, we walk the streets with an amble and look at everything. We really live where we are and get local. Playgrounds bring friends and conversations to us. So in many ways no it's not difficult, it actually makes traveling more real and nurturing, and less touristy.
On the children theme I get asked about school and how that fits into our lifestyle. It usually is more a statement in which the person tells me that I can do this for a while but soon I will have to stop and put the kids in school. This tells me a lot about them. The prime reason people give for this fact is that children need to be around other children. My view is that the grouping of loads of kids into one room for hours is very recent, courtesy of the industrial revolution. It also lets adults have time away from their kids. Children need relationship. They need to form and build and sustain relationship, preferably with people of different ages. And as we move we make friends, we focus deeply on building relationship with family and close loved ones. When I am in a place for long enough we attend art, music and toddler type classes. And playgrounds are like a mini kindergarten. If my children choose school then it will be for reasons other than socialization. This lifestyle does mean that my kids are with me full time and I take on the load of schooling them at home. We are for sure not doing any formal school until the age six, when I will give them an option. I hope they go for homeschooling a while longer or the whole way. I have a Montessori curriculum I follow and I adapt it for our lifestyle.
Very occasionally someone asks me why. Why do you do life that way? I like this question the best because the answer is always developing. I do it because it just seems natural to me. Like something in my character is gypsy. Because I am curious and interested in what life is like elsewhere. I like the challenge and the rapid growth in my brain. It's one of the fastest ways to create new brain networks, it keeps me learning daily. I set up and collapse home again and again. Streets become familiar so fast and I love learning new spaces. I do it because I like not knowing what the future will bring or where we will buy groceries in three months. Mostly I do it because I don't think home knows we own it, neither does land. Nomadic life is kind of spiritual, or it can be. It teaches the transience of material life. It shows humans in all their culture and form.
A question no one asks but I do is: can you settle down? I don't know. I might try one day. My man wants to get a home, even if we are not there all the time. He gets tired of different beds. For now the closest I can imagine is a base that we live in sometimes. And I often crave a nature house so I can visit and see the trees I planted grow. A home my children can be wild in and I can go to as I grow old to hear silence. But the thought of being somewhere for a long, long time non stop, that kind if settling is not for me now. Frankly it scares me.
