The Work of Being a Child and Mama
A year has passed and Ruya and I are into a new phase of toddlerhood. Some things have not changed - I am still breastfeeding and hope for another year of that unless Ruya decides differently. And some things change radically. Ruya is walking strong, eating with her spoon, on the go and busy with the work of being a child.
Being a mother is work. Hard work. And this vocation, like any, depends on what you put into it. Unlike other jobs though the learning curve is much higher and the status much less. As she learns so must I, as her needs and routine shifts, mine do too. Just as I get a handle on things everything changes. I get promoted and have to adjust rapidly.
Most of what I do is being a mama. Full time as they say. Which really means I do everything else in half the time. My projects - a book, readings, blogging and building - they happen in the small increments of time between the main work. When I look at that spread its easier for me to value the projects on the side. From a social point of view that is what counts. Yet my main work, the most important work of society - being a mother - that is given little honour. And the honour that is given is not to truly value what is being done as work. Which leaves me and many I speak to in a nebulous space. Mothers (in the US where I am right now) say to me its the most difficult work they have done, with never a moment off, in a tone that speaks of isolation. Because who are they to raise issue with their role. They are not ‘working mothers’. Yet when a mother has to go off to a job someone has to do the work of caring for the child - family, teachers, carers. Then the work is given a little more due.
Despite these ponderings on the state of motherhood work affairs, being in this role brings a reward that is priceless, one that no other job could match. Watching my child grow, love, learn, explore, expand, being part of her play and momentary awareness, is my greatest awakening. Its so precious I know that my current career is the best job I have ever done and ever will do. As such I take the work of being a mama seriously. This work is of the deepest service. I am shaping another human being.
And Ruya takes her work of being a child as seriously. Her work of learning, becoming, growing requires the right environment, freedom and guidance. My little one wakes each day with so much to do. She wants to learn and more than that she desires to be supported in her work. Just as the work of being a mama is not really given its due, neither is the work of being a child. We tend to see childhood as ‘time off’ before the serious life stuff happens. Yes this is the time when the most serious stuff happens. Childhood is the platform and basis for anything beyond. The work we do then makes us who we are to become. My support of her work now is crucial.
So begins my exploration into Montessori education. Its one method I am testing. And one that offers Ruya and I space to attend to our work as a partnership. My work is to facilitate - to wait and watch, and know when to come in and guide. I get to do the background planning of activities and creation of an environment, which gives Ruya the freedom to choose the work she desires to do each day. Its a quiet dance and interplay of organised work and liberty. And this dance reminds me constantly of how we all share roles. One moment I am guiding and the next Ruya teaches me. It is not just Ruya who is growing up and down - towards her heights and building her roots - but me too.
