Exclusively breastfed for a year
When Aziz Elan hit six months we were in Serbia. We found some okay avocado, some butternut and broccoli, and decided to start baby led weaning. Ruya Lilly took right to her food at six months, also baby led weaning style. She ate in varied amounts and not much, but she ate. Aziz Elan from the get go decided eating was yuck. As soon as he worked out he had grabbed something food like, he threw it away. As time progressed he would get irritated at me if I tried to give him food - arching back, looking for breast to get the taste away. So began my adventure into much extended breastfeeding.
My boy is not small. At one year he weighs over ten kilograms. He always drank a lot of milk. I briefly thought about a schedule for his milk feedings when he was an infant, because a nurse suggested it. He put on weight so fast he was in the 90th percentile and climbing, and apparently this was not a good thing. The suggestion of controlling my sons feeding schedule is one that seeps through our culture and the experts that pollinate it. That idea got lost quickly. It went against my grain. If he wants breast he can have it. He is a wise baby who knows instinctually what he needs. And with a toddler who is very, very busy, feeding on demand is much easier. Also after having one child at the bottom of the charts and another on the top, I'm less beholden to the whole chart thing.
Extended breastfeeding is a rare thing to do. I am very pro breastfeeding and I do it kangaroo style - on demand. He feeds when he wants, day and night. I never keep track of how often he feeds. I just trust his instinct. I co-sleep so I can roll over and feed him at night. All of this made me open to the whole idea. But it still came with difficulties.
Support was the biggest issue for me. Six months turned to eight, turned to eleven. I looked around me for some support. Parents were a bit shocked and gave me ideas about how to make him eat food. I knew of no-one who did this or was doing this. As I travelled I never saw it around me. Cultures changed but the pervasive idea was this was not normal. Of course there are hubs where this is normalized, like Fairfax, California, but they are very rare. Web research produced few results that supported what I was doing, and much of it conflicted. The biggest conflict being iron. Medically the instruction is beyond six months the baby needs food for iron. Naturally those pro extended breastfeeding disagreed. They say this only becomes an issue once the child actually starts to eat significant amounts. Prior to the advent of food the body has a perfect equilibrium.
Despite the lack of support, the encouragement I did find made up for it. When I did meet someone who supported me I drank that up with deep thirst. Strangers in playgrounds, in Dubrovnik or Berlin, would tell me about a person they knew doing this and how totally fine it is. I found some websites I could relate to and read stories of mothers. My mother listened to my concerns and soothed my tiredness. But the biggest support I had was my man. He never doubted me. He watched our son and followed him totally. Having the father on your side is paramount.
Doing this meant I had to educate myself. The issue was solid food and when was the right time for HIM. I learned quickly that most of what other people had to say was based on societies current obsession with early feeding of solids. And that comes from a recent and short history of bottle feeding.
I also get very hungry. And what I eat contributes to his health and mine. Attention to diet becomes crucial. For me the few extra pounds is sometimes hard to wear. I crave my original weight but being two kilo's over seems a necessity for my body to do this. You have to allow your body to be a milk farm and you have to feed yourself everything you want your child to have.
The hardest part of this is the impact on mama. Mama bears the burden and the beauty of it. I deeply relish how intimate I am with my son. We sleep together, bath together, I am his sustenance. In the most animal way we are bonded. I also feel the privilege of it, that I can do this and am financially capable of spending this time with my children. And it's damn hard work. The exhaustion, the never ever away from baby, the sometimes relentless sucking, my body is not my own. It's difficult in a way that is very personal and not much expressed. It's part of my mamahood job, and like much of that work, there is no glory. Child care has been exported to child care workers, usefully so. And sadly so - they are underpaid. The mama doing this work is seen as someone who is lucky, not a valuable worker in society.
And it is a choice. The choice comes down to what the mama can manage. Sleep is radically affected and you have to get used to it. None of my children have ever taken a bottle. Which means I don't pump and I I have never been away from my babies for longer than an hour and a half. This devotion in time is not available to women who work by choice or force. And not desired by many women. I respect that choice. And I wish my choice was equally respected by society.
The issue is also political, like anything to do with breastfeeding. Doing this means breastfeeding a bigger baby in public. And after six months babies like mine are at a milk bar. The milk bar is a great place to hang out - sip a little, check things out around you, sip a bit more. It's natural and normal and I let it happen. It means covering up is impossible. Over six months babies want to look around and sit up. Since this is number two and I have gotten more relaxed, I breastfeed in every country I have been in, on public transport, no matter what the cultural restrictions. If necessary I am very discreet but usually that is not needed. I try to keep it private and use my hand or clothes to cover where I can. And I also know I'm making a statement, one I feel proud of.
My biggest lesson has been about time. I have learned more about letting things go at their pace. The process of eating is deeply instinctual. It cannot be rushed. And if it is I think it hurts the natural eating instincts. I know I am lucky to be able to give Aziz Elan the chance to go at his pace. And I know many more women would do it if they knew they could, and were supported along the way. At some point he will eat, just like at some point he will walk and talk.
Now my boy is interested in food. He just turned one. His main food remains my milk. And he is delighted to try everything I allow him. When he finds something he likes he devours happily. He doesn't eat much and I don't try to make him. Milk flows and he gets to enjoy tasting food and exploring what it is all about, in his way.
