Newborn and Toddler: The First Six Weeks

I have two babies now, one two years old and a newborn. The first six weeks post birth is filled with mixed feelings: joy, pain, excitement, exhaustion, awe, stress. It is sublime in so many ways - newborn smell, their skin, small feet, the feel of a baby close on your chest as they sleep. It is magic and precious. Never again this tiny being so completely dependent on you. And it is hard. I look back and think how easy I had it with one, but really the first time had its own difficulty, as I learned what motherhood meant, what a baby needed, what my baby needed. Now with two I traverse the first six weeks, each day a learning curve. 

First there is the fact that you are still pregnant. Meaning the last trimester is underway. The overlooked fourth trimester is as crucial as all the others. It is the healing time for mama and the bonding of mother and baby. First time around it is much easier to listen to the sage advice of not moving at all for the first week, and not much the second week. And really being careful the first six weeks. Second time around I am running after a toddler, feeding, clothing, loving. So I move, as best I can with awareness. I got told not to breastfeed on the run but I do. All the time. The fact is you have to move, but knowing that the close of birth is not yet complete means I can respect my delicateness. I try to lie down with both babies sleep, go a bit slower and be gentle with my criticism when I look over my naked body and wander when the fat will go and the tired eyes I see will subside. I eat, when I want, as much as I want. And I go for nutritionally dense stuff. Mostly I don't expect myself to be the same as I was. I recognise I am still in transition from one state to another.

A carrier is essential. I am an attachment kind of parent, so my babies are on me most of the time. A carrier means I can breastfeed when moving, and be hands on with my toddler more. My preference for the first six weeks is the moby wrap and a ring sling. The moby holds a newborn tightly and supports my back. The ring sling is fast and easy to put on, and for me easier to breastfeed a newborn in. There is less head support though. Aziz sleeps near my heartbeat most of the time, in a carrier or in my bed. I sleep with a child on each side of me.

Breastfeeding is relentless in the first six weeks. You have to let the baby suck all the time, at least it feels that way. It means less sleep because breast milk digests faster than formula, so nights are hourly to two hourly wakings. I am always covered in milk. Tandem breastfeeding means I am a milk machine. It is natural to feel touched out, exhausted, irritable. And all of this is worth it. I wish there was more support for woman who choose to breastfeed. Support that tells them how hard it is and how worth it. Beyond the physical benefits, the suckling means bonding. My toddler gets to feel close to me and her brother. My son learns to trust me in the flesh. Co-sleeping really helps. You can turn on your side with your newborn and feed, and often go to sleep just like that. Each day is different, and on days when Aziz just wants to be on the breast non stop, I remember its normal and transitional. That is the grace of a second born, I am a little wiser this time around.

There is no schedule in the first six weeks. Last time around I thought I was supposed to follow some schedule. Luckily this time around I know I don't. Though I have to remind myself about on really tough days, especially when I start googling newborn sleep and see so many 'should's'. But I do have a daily structure with my toddler. As much as possible I try to time my toddler's nap with my newborn's sleep, so we rest together. I wake Aziz up during the day if he sleeps past two hours, as gently as I can, to disturb his sleep. I need him to adjust to night time faster. I let the noise happen during the day, and with a toddler it is often very noisy. At night I get them both down at eight pm by tandem feeding. Some days it works out and other days not. I just try to remember I cannot control this and structure will come in its own time.

This phase will pass, soon. The gift of this being the second time means I can appreciate how precious this is and how fast it goes. That helps when days are bad and I feel I cannot cope, and when days are amazing and I am in awe.