Home Birth for a Second Time: Cape Town
As I made my rooibos tea the night he came, I changed the fridge poetry from 'waiting, baby, come' to 'babe emerge'. Maybe that intention got things going. Two days after due date on the 16th of September Aziz Elan came to me. He did it fast and suddenly. Completely different to my labor with Ruya Lilly. This is the story of his birth.
I woke at around ten thirty pm with what felt like period pains. Then I had to go to the toilet. I grabbed my phone and started to time. The sensation was easy to breathe through so it took me a good forty minutes to decide something was happening. The sensations were mild but regular. I got up and got into bed with my man - asleep in the other room. He helped me time for another thirty minutes to confirm birth had started. By that point the sensation was making me breathe hard. I told him to light a fire and go back to bed, thinking this was going to take a while. Then I called Marianne my midwife. She questioned as to whether to come but I told her wait, its still ten minutes apart. Then I did my housekeeping. We laid out birth supplies, I got my pilates ball and put a towel out on the rug near the fire.
It took about an hour and a half for me to call my man and midwife into action. I was leaning over my ball, breathing and the sensations just got more and more intense, fast, unrelenting. No zen like, slow work up into it. Just full on blast of deep ache. And my timer went from ten minutes to seven to six to five. I decided I needed support. It was around this time that Ruya woke up.
We did not have a set plan for Ruya at the birth. My mother was there to support her and we decided to see how she responded. When she first came through to me she placed her hands on my back and stroked me. The love felt like manna. I was breathing hard but still peaceful. We told her mama was working hard to bring the baby out. Marianne and her apprentice Linde arrived and I felt like my rock was there. From that point things went very fast. The sensation was so intense I had to vocalise. I opened my mouth and groaned and gripped Emrah's hands hard. The noise and my clear expression of pain disturbed Ruya enough to bring on big tears. So at some point my mom took her into another room and loved her there, showing her videos. She said Ruya coped so well, they could still hear everything. I wished I could have been softer in voice and calm so that Ruya could have stayed. But the reality is I had to scream and use my voice to get through the contractions. Birth is animal like.
My midwives were present but did not interfere at all. I labored and just tried to get through the cycles of sensation. There was so little time to rest and I could feel the baby pushing down. At some point I pushed, my body just calling me to do it. Marianne noticed and told me we were going to the bathroom, that I should sit on the toilet. I had no desire to do this but listened. Her intervention worked like magic. I sat on that toilet and the pushing started. Emrah held me by my shoulders, supporting my weight so I could bear down. It was maybe three pushes and then the push just turned into an everlasting push, and then I felt my baby as his head came out. Marianne got her hands into me and pulled his shoulders into a position so he could come through, and suddenly I had a baby in my arms. So fast and so vivid. I had been sure it was a girl, but I looked and in shock said it was a boy. I called Ruya to come and see the baby.
Ruya knew immediately that things had changed. And her knowing brought tears of grief and anger. She screamed loudly, she wanted the baby to go. We let her express. It was days later before I could feel my grief at the loss of my bubble with Ruya. She understood that her space with me had been changed and she did what she needed to do. It was hard to witness but I am so grateful she did let those feelings out. They are real, and to smooth over the transition from only child to sibling is an injustice. When she woke the next morning the first thing she asked was where was the baby. Then I let them drink milk together. Tandem feeding has been incredible to ease the transition. We all co-sleep, they both drink, and I do my best to give attention to each child. A dance of love and opening embrace so that the organism that is Ruya and I, can open to include Aziz.
Now Ruya touches him gently, pats his back to burp him and gives me a strong look when he cries, to make sure I do something to look after him fast.
Aziz latched on within half an hour of birth, his grasp strong. He drinks heartily, he cries when he not near me. His instinct alive for mama close and sustenance. He was born in the caul, my water breaking as he birthed. Marianne let nature happen, she trusted my body, and let that water hold until the final moment. I had lacerations but no tears, my body strong after two weeks. It amazes me this body of mine, to hold and push out and feed another human. And the birth that was so intense, perhaps tells something about who Aziz shall be. He was conceived on our first try, he birthed rapidly without hesitation. I cradle his body now, tucked between Ruya and him as they sleep.
Birth for me is a reckoning. With my own spirit, courage, stamina. But deeper with my capacity to open to the forces beyond me. To do this I needed to be in a home, in a space that protects my vulnerability. I feel a powerful gratitude to the home birth midwives who work on the edge of the medical establishment, helping woman to open and birth without unnecessary interference.
And now Aziz Elan joins us, as we walk about, find homes and build our roots.
