Finding a Birth Spot and Getting There: For a Second Time
I deeply wanted a second child. And it came to me without hesitation. So I am pregnant again, with a toddler, still nomadic and curious to see where this adventure takes us next.
This is my second child, and second time exploring pregnancy as a nomad. Having had one experience of it, I come in with some knowledge. I know what I need for a home birth, and especially what I need after the birth. First time round I had no idea what post birth needs would arise. I am also a bit more relaxed about managing my own health care. But there are different challenges now. This time I have a toddler to consider and that impacts travel, birth and everything in between.
I definitely want another home birth. So my adventure began with finding a midwife and birth spot. This time the issue of support weighed in heavily. Post birth I need help to take care of my daughter. My partner will likely be away for work two weeks or so after the baby arrives into the world. So my chosen birth place is Cape Town, my original home town and residence of my mother. I have a lovely old house to give birth in, filled with a fire place and my mother's paintings, and plenty of support to draw upon if I need it.
Midwife hunting is a matter of instinct. I interviewed a few midwives and ended up going with someone who was intense and not the everyday type. I chose her over seemingly more grounded options. She has courage, stamina, deep experience and a spiritual emphasis. But most of all she makes me feel safe. That is the bottom line and a matter of gut feel. The intuitive connection is even more essential as I only get to see her a few times prior to birth.
On the issue of time you need at least ninety days. I decided I needed more so applied for a one time visa extension. This was costly and required paperwork. But the gain of having an extra six weeks was invaluable second time round. Most airlines will not allow a pregnant woman to fly after 34 weeks. Best to fly nearer to 32 weeks if you can. Because I need enough time post birth to get my newborns passport, and want enough healing time to make a flight alone with a toddler and newborn, I chose to fly in at 31 weeks and return 8 weeks post birth. Of course this is an estimation based on the birth window - baby will come when it is ready. So I based this on 42 weeks, the latest birth date.
Flying at 31 weeks, alone, with a toddler, is not fun. My flight was packed but I made sure to get a window seat. Getting a window seat is the best advice I can give, because you can lean against the window and stretch your legs while your toddler lies on you. I avoid bassinet seats. Although the leg room is great for a toddler, you can't lift the arm rests. I prefer being able to open up the space between seats, so Ruya can spread her legs and we can easily breastfeed and hug. I changed position every hour, drank a lot of water which also made me get up and pee, and just meditated through it. Luckily Ruya upgraded to her own seat just as I hit seven months pregnant so we were not squashed onto one seat.
As for health care I created a calendar for myself, with reminders on when I should be having a checkup. Sometimes I flexed these dates depending on which country we were in. And I missed one or two checkups. I did my two major scans and ensured I had the medication I needed this time around - due to thyroid problems. I actually found it harder to get care in first world countries. Places like the US are very expensive and many Ob-Gyn's don't like to do one time travel appointments. I ended up seeing my previous midwife in the US after going eight weeks with no checkup. A beautiful blessing to have her hands on my belly and words of belief in my birth. Managing my care means trusting myself: I feel the baby move, I feel strong and healthy in my body, I know we have been doing this for millennium. I knew when the baby turned and how it was positioned. Letting the pregnancy be a natural state of health reminded me that the medical routine we have now is vey recent, and not always useful in its pathology and prescriptiveness.
I want Ruya to be present at the birth, as much as flows with what unfolds. She is two so understanding that a baby is coming is more unconscious. My way of preparing was to get a few books. It is amazingly difficult to source a book showing home birth for a toddler, or just a book showing an actual birth for that matter. Seems like the birth story has become mama going away with a big belly and then suddenly coming back again with a baby. "Hello baby" by Jenni Overend proved to be the best find. Ruya immediately got that the baby was in the mama's belly and came out of her vagina. The pictures are gentle, pastel like. Its wordy but I choose what to read. I also got two books on being a big sister and what happens when the baby comes. We started reading these three months before birth time. I don't have a rigid birth plan. Most likely baby will come when Ruya is asleep or at least the major labor will start then.
One of the first changes I noticed in being nomadic while pregnant, with a toddler, was around food. My toddler needs to eat and so do I, a lot. I still privilege her but I have to make sure I do not override me needs to. So our carry on luggage became much heavier. It was almost all food. Snacks in the day pack took over. As always we eat what is around us. In the US we loaded up on blueberries and salmon, in Morocco we drank tons of fresh fruit juice, in Berlin I ate a sausage for the first time in a decade. I eat a bit of meat when pregnant, and because I am still breastfeeding I make sure to take extra iron.
Yes still breastfeeding and that as always makes being nomadic easier. Ruya wraps around my belly and while she does not nurse much, she has free option. No matter where we are she has the comfort of my body.
One great perk of the pregnancy is a reduction in clothes. I have few maternity items so I kept my wardrobe minimal, comfortable, with one or two flair items. I have had to be more careful about what I carry but for the most part life goes on as usual. I used a baby carrier until my belly got too big at six months, and now Ruya mostly walks holding my hand. We got a light weight pram but have yet to use it. I am baby carrier obsessed and pram avoidant.
Now we wait. For Papa to get to us, just as the birth window opens. And then for baby to arrive.
