Home birth in Mendocino, California
From the start of my pregnancy I knew I wanted a home birth. And I did. Having experienced it I find myself even more of an advocate. If you are even slightly considering home birth, consider it even more strongly.
Know the statistics. My partner Emrah wasn’t sure so I did the legwork and got the numbers. The numbers tell. It is clear that if your pregnancy is normal – which most, meaning over 90%, are, then home birth is very safe and often a better option.
First step is find a home or make the home you have the right space for a home birth. I am a nomad so this meant finding a birth spot. Even if you have a home do this step. Really look at where you are and decide if this is where you want to birth. That space is the cocoon. My choice was to be in nature, near ocean and trees, rural and quiet. After staying in a beautiful cottage in Mendocino, California, I knew that was it. It wasn’t easy but we found a three month summer rental and the home was got. Three months was perfect, arriving three weeks before the due date and giving the full six-week post partum time afterwards. That is essential; don’t move for six weeks afterwards. That is still pregnancy time, and probably the most important to heal and learn your babe. The birthing spot needs to be within half an hour of a hospital and it needs to feel like your cave. You have to get into the animal side of you, this is where you are going to meet your most instinctual self and birth your cub. It must be safe enough to open fully in. So ask yourself what kind of space makes you feel like you can open up the most in.
Second step is find a midwife. Usually midwives work in teams, with one primary midwife, perhaps an apprentice and another midwife she collaborates with. I saw three people before knowing I had found the one. I knew if from the way she touched my belly and felt the baby when we did the initial consultation. I knew it from the way she responded to me when I voiced concerns – speaking to her made me feel calm and she didn’t let convention dictate the process. You will know, until that point keep talking to people. What most don’t realize is midwifery is a care that goes way beyond the pregnancy. Mine gave me six weeks post partum help with home visits and on call advice. Your midwives are with you in one of the most transformational periods of your life. Choose well.
Third step is protect your choice of a home birth. Many people don’t understand this choice especially if home birth is not the norm in the country you are in – North America especially. Notice the suggestions you get from others and take control about what you let in. Read Ina May – probably all you need to read before birth. She spearheaded home birth in America when it was threatened into extinction. Making this choice means you have to educate yourself and you of all people know the fears and things you need to be concerned about – you feel them the closest. Other people’s worries tell you something about them.
Fourth step is decide who you want to be with you when you give birth. You get to choose. Unlike a hospital only the people you choose will be there. Think about it – no strange faces. Think about it again – who can you completely open yourself up to. Your naked body, your soul, your deepest edges. I chose just to have my lover and my midwives there. That was perfect for me. I needed my space to go deep into the labor. I needed the barest core to bare myself to. We skyped in with family within an hour of the birth.
Fifth step is do it. Every birth story is unique. Ruya Lilly called to me after midnight just on forty weeks. I laboured without my midwives until eleven the next morning when my sensations were at five minutes apart. That alone time was precious, no rush, slowly building stamina and familiarity with the moments of pain and ease. Taking the rest time when the ease came – and this is my best advice when giving birth, relax deeply into the space of ease between the intensity. Savour it like manna from heaven. If you relax in the pause you can ride the wave. When my midwives arrived they came into my space like it was sacred. Their step was gentle, surrounding me without interrupting me. Their hands were on my back when I needed it, their approach utterly respectful of where I was at. They checked me once and I was fully dilated. That was when I got into the tub. Until then I was curled on my lover’s Turkish red carpet, across a large bouncing ball. I stayed in the water for an hour or so. That was right for me – the change of atmosphere to help me as I began to help my baby push downward. Every step of the way I was coached. My midwives giving of their wisdom to try different positions and doing that even when all I wanted to do was stay put – that wisdom gave me the support to bring my baby through. Which I did, on the red rug with my lover behind my back supporting me. It took thirteen hours. She came to me in the late afternoon.
Going to a hospital is wonderful, if you need it. I didn’t. Being at home let me not only have the power of more choice in every intervention; it let things happen that might not usually be given space. I was able to crown for a really long time. My babe stretched me out and no one rushed me. Her heartbeat monitored the whole time. I had no internal tearing, only one superficial tiny tear that didn’t need any stitches. When she was born she was a bit grunty and instead of whisking her away as would have happened in a hospital, my midwife got her to cry and gave her some oxygen, while keeping her on my breast. We got to delay having the umbilical cord cut and when we were ready Ruya and I went to my own bed, and began learning to nurse.
Home birth is not just natural it is normal. Not the norm of the past few decades but our past existence. Being open to this option may open up more than you realize.
